


Fuck, Marry, Kill: the series

by livin_la_vida_yaoi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fuck Marry Kill, Humor, M/M, Multi, One Shot Collection, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 04:01:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livin_la_vida_yaoi/pseuds/livin_la_vida_yaoi
Summary: a collection of oneshots based off the game fuck, marry, kill, featuring: characters of Haikyuu!!Feel free to make any requests!1





	1. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, Hanamaki

"Hey, Oikawa!” Matsukawa called from the table that he, Hanamaki, and Iwaizumi were sitting at, “We’re playing fuck, marry, kill.”

Oikawa grinned as he waltzed over to the table, “Ooh! Count me in!”

Matsukawa nodded and turned back to Hanamaki, who was getting ready to say his answers, “Fuck, marry, kill. Me, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi.”

“Difficult choices, but I’d say fuck Matsukawa, marry Oikawa, and kill Iwaizumi,” Hanamaki said it was difficult, but the way he spoke made it sound like an easy choice.

Iwaizumi looked offended, but laughed, “You’d kill me? Over them?”

Hanamaki shrugged and pouted, “Still haven’t beaten you in an arm wrestle, don’t take it personal,” he smiled, then turned to Matsukawa, “Your turn.”

Matsukawa leaned back, hand on his chin and eyes closed as if he were in deep thought, then smirked as he said, “Fuck Iwaizumi, marry Oikawa, kill Hanamaki.”

Before Hanamaki could question him, Matsukawa spoke up again, “Sorry Makki. It came down to who has better legs, and you were the loser.”

“I can’t believed you killed me over my legs,” Hanamaki said with a sigh, but he chuckled nonetheless. It’s not like he could disagree, though, Oikawa did annoyingly have the prettiest legs.

Oikawa grinned as his turn was up next. He didn’t hesitate at all as he said, “Fuck Hanamaki, marry Iwa-chan obviously, and kill Matsukawa!” He had a perfectly pleasant smile as he shot up a peace sign.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki nodded in unison, “Yeah, that’s expected,” Matsukawa said.

“Pretty self-explanatory,” Hanamaki agreed, while Iwaizumi just sighed and crossed his arms. He’d never admit to being flattered by the ‘obviously’ that came after Oikawa’s choice to marry him.

Oikawa had a happy expression as he turned to face Iwaizumi, “Well, what about you Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi looked at the other third years, then down, then back up, then said, “Kill Oikawa,” he said simply, with an angry countenance, even if he wasn’t angry at all.

“Iwa-chan, rude!” Oikawa pouted as his pleasant smile disappeared, replaced by pursed lips and furrowed brows.

The ace just shrugged as he thought about the next two, ignoring the light heat on his cheeks, then finished by saying, “Fuck Matsukawa and marry Hanamaki.”

“Even after I killed you? I appreciate it,” Hanamaki cracked a smile, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

Matsukawa shook his head, “At least we’ve established that nobody wants to fuck Oikawa,” he snickered.

Oikawa whined and stuck out his tongue at him, “You guys are all mean!” He huffed as he laid his head down on the table.

Hanamaki patted Oikawa on the shoulder, “Don’t worry about it man. Me and Mattsun said we’d marry you, which is like, unlimited fucking.”

Matsukawa snorted, “Right, that’s why you said you’d marry Iwaizumi, isn’t it?”

“Well of course... wait, no! That’s not why!” Oikawa gasped and shook his hands in disagreement, whipping his head back up and revealing his flushed face.

“Pervykawa!”

“I’m not a perv! My love for you is pure!”

“Trashykawa! Shittykawa! Don’t say such weird shit!” Iwaizumi continued to yell at Oikawa while the setter groaned, Hanamaki and Matsukawa laughing at the antics that they’d caused. Honestly, those two were far too easy to tease.


	2. Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, Tsukishima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be a part 2 of Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki playing, but doing people and coaches from multiple teams

When Kuroo had called out to him as he walked past the gym, saying, “Hey glasses-kun, care for a game?” Tsukishima thought he was referring to volleyball. But he was wrong, and he was regretful. Akaashi seemed to be in the same boat.

“You can’t back down now!” Bokuto had yelled when they tried to back out. Kuroo stood beside him and nodded, wearing his usual shit-eating grin, which made Tsukishima want to hit him, but he held back.

He and Akaashi reluctantly agreed, and the two older boys gave a hoorah, Bokuto immediately volunteering himself to go first.

Kuroo smirked, “Okay then, Bokuto. Fuck, marry, kill: Me, Akaashi, and Tsukishima.”

Bokuto gasped, “I have to choose between you three?!”

The Nekoma captain chuckled and nodded his head, much too proud of himself for, well, nothing really.

The owl-haired boy groaned, crossing his arms and swinging his body back, then forth, before saying, “Well, I'd definitely marry Akaashi!” He announced first, causing the setter to shake his head, “And let’s see.... I’d have to say kill Kuroo and fuck Tsukishima.”

“Seriously?! I thought for sure you’d fuck me,” Kuroo whined.

Tsukishima couldn’t help but sneer, “I guess you’re not as charming as you think,” he muttered.

“Excuse me?!”

Akaashi quickly hushed them, “It’s your turn, then, Kuroo.”

“Yeah! You have to do me, Akaashi, and Tsukishima too!”

Kuroo groaned, but accepted his options. He took less time than Bokuto as he replied, “Fuck Akaashi... marry Tsukishima and kill Bokuto.”

“You’d kill me?!”

“You killed me!”

Akaashi shook his head yet again as he turned to look at Tsukishima, whose expression was just as exhausted. The setter took control of the conversation again when he said, “Fuck Tsukishima, marry Bokuto, kill Kuroo.”

“Huh?”

“Those are my answers,” Akaashi responded blankly.

Bokuto choked out a gasp, “Akaashi?! Y-You’d marry me?”

“I figured no one else would.”

Kuroo snickered and gently punched his friend in the shoulder, “Yeowch. That’s rough, buddy.”

While Bokuto moped, they turned expectantly to Tsukishima.

The blonde averted his gaze from the others, “Um, I’d say... fuck Kuroo, marry Akaashi, and kill Bokuto, I guess.”

“Wow Tsukki! I was here thinking you’d want to kill me, but you want to fuck me, huh?” Kuroo grinned, slinging an arm around Tsukishima’s shoulder.

“I-I don’t! I just had to choose for the sake of the game,” Tsukishima stuttered out, adjusting his glasses, “and please don’t call me Tsukki.”

The older merely shrugged, “If you want to fuck, just say it.”

“I don’t!”

“It’s okay to admit it, Tsukishima,” Akaashi said, amusement apparent on his face.

“A-Akaashi!” Tsukishima gaped at the setter, surprised to hear that from him, as he’d thought that Akaashi would be the only one on his side.

Kuroo continued to chuckle and make jokes, until Tsukishima spoke up again and said, “I’m changing my mind. Fuck Bokuto and kill you.”

“No way! You can't change it!”

“Hey hey hey! Tsukki knows where it’s at!” Bokuto said excitedly as he slapped the taller boy on the back.

Just then, two loud voices were heard and Tsukishima around turned to see Hinata and Lev energetically entering the gym, shouting something about wanting to practice spiking. Tsukishima took his chance to escape, his face flushing, however, when both Bokuto and Kuroo yelled out, “Wait! Who’re you gonna fuck?!” This was followed by Hinata and Lev spluttering in confusion.

He heard a faint, “Me, obviously,” from Akaashi as he rushed out of the gym, face burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i tried


	3. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, Hanamaki [2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be the Karasuno first years. please request anybody you want to see! enjoy

 

“Hey, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, we’re playing another game of fuck, marry, kill!” Hanamaki called to the two as they stretched before practice.

 

Oikawa skipped over and Iwaizumi dragged his feet behind him, groaning, “Again? Why are you so obsessed with that game?”

 

“You can really learn a lot about a person,” Matsukawa grinned, patting the floor beside him in gesture for Oikawa and Iwaizumi to sit down.

 

They sat down, forming a small circle, then Oikawa clapped his hands together, “Yeah, Iwa-chan. And it’s called having fun, have you heard of it?”

 

“Shut it, Shitty Oikawa. What’s so fun about fucking, marrying, or killing someone?”

 

Oikawa snickered, “What _isn’t_ fun about it?”

 

Iwaizumi glared at him for a few seconds before smirking, “Fine then. Here’s one for you, Oikawa. Fuck, marry, kill: Kageyama, Ushiwaka, and Kindaichi.”

 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki choked out a laugh as Oikawa gasped in horror, fists clenched, “Iwa-chan, how could you? My two greatest rivals and a darling underclassmen?!”

 

“It’s fun, Oikawa,” Matsukawa teased, giving Iwaizumi a high five as they all snickered expectantly at their captain.

 

Their captain, however, whined and scratched the back of his head, “How am I supposed to answer that?” He questioned with a tilt of his head.

 

The others didn’t answer, merely shrugging and leaving the decision to him. Oikawa didn’t like this, as he whined again and sighed afterward before giving his very reluctant response.

 

“I... I guess I’d have to say fuck Tobio, marry Kindaichi, and kill Ushiwaka, obviously.”

 

Hanamaki snorted, “So you’re into younger guys, huh?” He grinned and covered his smile with his fist.

 

Oikawa gaped at him, “Makki! No fair! How else could I have answered that?”

 

“Why would you fuck Kageyama though?” Iwaizumi sneered and crosses his arms, “You hate him less then Ushiwaka?”

 

“No! I want to destroy them both and have them at my mercy!” Oikawa pouted defiantly, “But... uh....”

 

“But Ushiwaka’s body his amazing. I mean, objectively speaking, he’s way more handsome than the kid,” Matsukawa stated, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

 

Hanamaki took Matsukawa’s shoulder, “See? He’s into the younger guys.”

 

Oikawa groaned again, “Shut it! I am not!”

 

“Then explain,” Iwaizumi challenged.

 

The captain rolled his eyes, looking elsewhere, “I just think that Tobio-chan would get way more flustered, p-plus it’d make more sense if I topped becau—“

 

“Of course! You’ve got weird perverted fantasies,” Iwaizumi grimaced at his friend.

 

“I don’t!”

 

“You do! You’re a pervert! Thinking of poor Kageyama like that!”

 

Oikawa huffed, “Hush! It’s your turn now, Iwa-chan! Fuck, marry, kill,” a devilish smirk formed upon the setter’s face and Iwaizumi felt his stomach tighten, “Karasuno’s coach, Shiratorizawa’s coach, and Mad Dog-chan!”

 

Iwaizumi glared at his friend, “You asshole.”

 

“Gotta answer it Iwa-chan!” He said in his iconic singsong voice.

 

The ace grumbled under his breath, eyebrow twitching in irritation as he thought, “I’d have to say fuck Kyoutani, marry Shiratorizawa’s coach, and kill Karasuno’s.”

 

The three stared at him blankly, confused at how quickly he’d actually responded, “Er... um, I’m gonna need an explanation for this one, Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa said after cleaning his throat, the other two nodding in agreement.

 

“Well,” Iwaizumi began as if it was no big deal, but the slight pink blush on his cheeks said otherwise, “do I have to explain Kyoutani? I mean, I think that one should be obvious. It’s Kyoutani. I’d kill Karasuno’s coach because that’s our rival team.”

 

“Yeah, but, so is Shiratorizawa,” Hanamaki pointed out, only to be shushed by Oikawa.

 

Iwaizumi stretched his neck awkwardly, “Honestly, I chose Shiratorizawa’s coach to marry because of the three, I’m sure he’s where the moneys at.”

 

“Woah!” Oikawa gasped, “Iwa-chan is a gold digger!”

 

The ace didn’t deny it, just shrugged, “And I’d have an inside look on the team, too.”

 

Hanamaki narrowed his eyes, “He’s pretty passionate. You think he’d even let his wife watch the practices?”

 

“Of course he would let me!” Iwaizumi growled. When the other three began to chuckle, he felt his face heat up, “Wait, what the hell?! I wouldn’t be his wife, dumbass!”

 

Matsukawa snorted and slapped Iwaizumi on the back, “Whatever you want to tell yourself.”

 

“I’m a man! A man!”

 

Oikawa giggled and propped an arm up on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, “Iwa-chan would make such a good wife!”

 

The two continued to tease Iwaizumi, while the ace only grew angrier, yelling at them with each comment until Hanamaki, finally speaking up, said, “Why is fucking Kyoutani obvious?”

 

The bickering silenced, Matsukawa and Oikawa gasping softly as they watched Iwaizumi struggle for a response.

 

When he couldn’t come up with anything, Oikawa just smiled and said, “Isn’t it obvious, Makki? Iwa-chan likes it’s rough! _He’s_ the perverted, masochistic, sadistic one,” he stuck his tongue out at the ace.

 

Iwaizumi had a serious face as he looked Oikawa in the eye, “No you.”

 

The silent look of horror on the captain’s face stunned the other two. They weren’t sure if they should laugh. They weren’t even sure if it was a joke.

 

Matsukawa coughed to bring attention back to the game, “Uh, okay, Hanamaki. Fuck, marry, kill: Nekoma’s captain, Fukurodani’s captain, and Karasuno’s captain.”

 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa turned away from each other to focus on Hanamaki, who was looking up with a slight smirk on his lips. They only wondered what he could be thinking about.

 

“That’s difficult. I’d definitely say marry Karasuno’s captain. He seems responsible. Also, the thighs.”

 

Matsukawa nodded his head, “The thighs,” me muttered as if in agreement.

 

“Let’s see.... I think I’ll have to say fuck Fukurodani’s captain and kill Nekoma’s captain,” Hanamaki finished.

 

“Really?” Oikawa asked, “But Nekoma’s captain is hot. Even with that bedhead.”

 

Iwaizumi agreed, “Yeah, and Fukurodani’s is... loud.”

 

Hanamaki gave a shrug, “Yeah, but bedhead just has this ‘arrogant bastard’ kinda vibe. You know?”

 

“But Mattsun has that vibe, too,” Oikawa snorted.

 

“I think his is more of ‘lazy asshole’ kinda vibe,” Iwaizumi replied.

 

Matsukawa opened his mouth to complain, but he couldn’t think of anything in his defense.

 

Hanamaki chuckled, “Your turn, then,” he said as he turned to Matsukawa, who wore an annoyed expression, “Fuck, marry, kill: Karasuno’s third year setter, Fukurodani’s setter, and Shiratorizawa’s Guess Monster.”

 

Matsukawa pouted, “That’s too easy. Fuck Fukurodani’s setter, marry Karasuno’s setter, and kill Guess Monster.”

 

“So lame Makki! I think we would’ve all picked the same,” Oikawa grumbled.

 

“Oh,” Hanamaki frowned, “I guess that true. Guess Monster dude is scary as fuck so he’s easy.”

 

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi yelled, startling the others, “and if anyone is good wife material, it’s Karasuno’s setter, Sugawara.”

 

Oikawa smirked, “Mr. Refreshing is a cutie. Which only leaves Akaashi, Fukurodani’s setter, and he’s as pretty as me!”

 

“Keep telling yourself that,” Hanamaki smiled.

 

Matsukawa snickered, “No way Makki. We should tell him.”

 

“Eh? Tell me what?”

 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa continued to laugh as Oikawa whined, baffled by their comments, “Iwa-chan, what are they talking about?”

 

“They think Akaashi is prettier than you.”

 

“Geh! No way! He is not!” Oikawa exclaimed, hand over his chest in actual offense, “That means you disagree with them, right, Iwa-chan?”

 

Iwaizumi looked at the captain as if he were insane, “Hell no. That fucker is beautiful.”

 

Oikawa continued to complain until they heard Shigeru call out to them, telling them to come over to play a set.

 

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispered mischievously as the four third years walked over to the rest of the team, “Mad Dog looks awfully angry today, I know you want to, but I won’t let you ravish our precious underclassmen,” he said, Hanamaki and Matsukawa cackling behind them.

 

“DIE!”

 

“Ouch! Iwa-chan!”

 


	4. Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi + Yachi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not really proud of this one, so I added a Yachi bonus cuz she cute af

“Oh! We should play too, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi yelled enthusiastically, much to Tsukishima’s discontent.

At just the wrong moment, Kageyama and Hinata approached them, “Ooh what are we playing?” Hinata wondered, bouncing up and down.

When Tsukishima said it was nothing, Yamaguchi spoke over him to explain, “Tsukki was just telling me how he was playing fuck, marry, kill with some of the guys at the training camp! And I think we should play.”

Frowning, Tsukishima opened his mouth to protest, only to be interrupted again, this time by a certain energetic shrimp.

“I bet Tsukishima chose to marry the rooster head, right?”

“Why would you think that?!” Tsukishima hissed, glaring down at his teammate. Hinata merely giggled, while Kageyama gave them a questioning look.

“Let’s play! Yamaguchi can go first,” Hinata grinned turning to the taller boy.

Yamaguchi nodded, his cheeks pink, “Who are my choices?”

“Tsukishima, Kageyama, and Yachi!” Hinata replied with excitement. Kageyama still looked confused.

Yamaguchi appeared flustered, scratching the back of his head, “I don’t know! This is hard.”

Tsukishima crossed his arms, huffing, “You’re the one who wanted to play.”

The freckled boy grinned sheepishly, “Sorry Tsukki. Um, I guess I’d say fuck Tsukki, marry Yachi, and don’t take it personally, but kill Kageyama.”

Kageyama pouted, “‘s fine. I’m more concerned with the fact that you said ‘fuck.’”

Hinata laughed and nodded his head vigorously, “Right?!" he giggled, even though he sounded just as weird saying the word, "It’s my turn, do me!”

Yamaguchi chuckled, “Okay, fuck, marry, kill: Yachi, Kageyama, and Tsukki.” Now it just sounded strange every time he said ‘fuck.’

“That’s easy! Fuck Kageyama, marry Yachi, and kill Tsukishima!” Hinata announced in his typical cheerful tone. Tsukishima nodded his head in understanding, not surprised by the response.

“Gross,” Kageyama commented, though he did look embarrassed.

“How mean, Kageyama!” Hinata whined, “I spared your life!”

The setter shrugged, unimpressed, “Anybody would over that stupid beanpole.”

“Really, King? I bet your old teammates might beg to differ,” Tsukishima challenged, a smirk on his face.

Kageyama was about to argue, but Yamaguchi laughed loudly (nervously) and waved his hands out, “Ah, that’s... that’s not important,” he said, “It’s your turn, Tsukki.”

“Fine,” Tsukishima grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Me, Yamaguchi, and Hinata,” Kageyama quickly said, knowing full well that giving him somebody like Yachi was too merciful.

“Tch,” Tsuskishima grimaced, taking a few seconds before answering, “Fuck Hinata, marry Yamaguchi, and kill the king.”

“Aww, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi hollered, smiling brightly at his friend while the blonde simply told him to shut up.

As much as Tsukishima hated this, he was at least glad that nobody questioned each other’s choices for ‘fuck’ and ‘marry.’ Nothing could be more uncomfortable than that. Luckily, his fellow first years were more pure than Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kuroo when they'd played.

“Okay, King,” Tsukishima glared at the setter, “Fuck, marry, kill: us three.”

Kageyama growled something under his breath, turning his head, “Fuck Yamaguchi, marry Hinata, kill Four Eyes.”

“Really? You’d wanna marry him? All you ever do is argue. You literally just told him it was gross that he chose to fuck you,” Tsukishima scowled, oblivious to the fact that he was contradicting his own previous thoughts.

The setter clenched his fists in anger, “Well I didn’t choose to fuck him, I chose to marry him.”

“Being married includes fucking.”

“It doesn’t have to!”

“Yeah!” Hinata chimed in, “We can just play volleyball! After all, we’re strongest together!”

“Exactly!” Kageyama agreed.

Tsukishima snickered, “Well aren’t you two adorable.”

The sweet silence only last for a second before Hinata’s and Kageyama’s volume increased and they started to yell at Tsukishima, his expression losing its smirk and morphing into a wry face. Yamaguchi’s lips were pulled into a tight line as he watched the antics.

**Bonus:**

“Yachi!!” Hinata called out, waving to their manager-in-training. She smiled and waved back, jogging over to the four volleyball players.

Yamaguchi blushed, “Um, we’re playing fuck, marry, kill. Want to join?”

Yachi’s face heated up, but she nodded.

“Oh! Do us then!” Hinata decided.

Kageyama pulled on the shorter boy’s hair, “Dumbass, there’s four of us!”

“Fuck, marry, kiss, kill?” Tsukishima suggested, which no one expected from him.

Even so, Yachi responded, “U-Um, well, this is only because I have to answer but, I’d say, uh, f-fuck Yamaguchi, marry Hinata, kiss Kageyama, and kill Tsukishima,” she quickly bowed to the tall blonde in apology, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Tsukishima, please don’t take it seriously!”

Suddenly all of the first years faces were bright as a tomato, except Tsukishima, who actually looked mildly offended.


	5. Kuroo, Kenma, Yaku, Lev, Inuoka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My favorite Nekoma boys, as requested! (sorry for not much Inuoka, idk him as well ^^') Next chapter will be the Kitagawa Daiichi boys :)

“Come on, Kenma, it’ll be fun!” Kuroo grinned, an arm slinking around the younger boy’s shoulders.

 

Kenma sighed, leaning away from his friend’s touch, “No.”

 

Kuroo smirked, letting go of the setter and turning around to call out to his other teammates, “Yo! Yaku and Lev!”

 

Yaku jogged over to Kuroo and Kenma, Lev stumbling behind him, panting hard from working on receives and digs with the libero.

 

“We’re playing fuck, marry, kill,” Kuroo began (ignoring Kenma’s ‘no we are  _not_ ’) as he smiled at Inuoka, who was also approaching the group.

 

“Oh! I wanna play too! Count me in!” Inuoka smiled wide, looking much more enthusiastic than anyone else.

 

Kenma nodded, turning to leave, “Well, I think four players is enough,” he decided, hissing when Kuroo grabbed him by the sleeve.

 

The captain smirked at Kenma, “Nope. You’re playing,” he said, much to Kenma’s chagrin. He agreed, reluctantly and unhappily.

 

Kuroo, still wearing his stupid grin, chose Yaku to go first, “Fuck, marry, kill: Lev, me, and Karasuno’s libero.”

 

“Fuck you, marry Nishinoya, and kill Lev,” Yaku said without any thought. Lev made some sort of high pitched sound in offense. Yaku had a soft spot for Lev, but he would never admit that.

 

Kuroo’s grin morphed into thin, straight line, “I feel like you’re thinking of ‘fuck’ in a different way,” he muttered.

 

Yaku didn’t respond, looking to Kenma, “Kenma. Fuck, marry, kill: Lev, Kuroo, and the shorty from Karasuno.”

 

“But Yaku, you’re—“ Kuroo elbowed Lev in the side before he could finish his sentence.

 

“Hm,” Kenma let out another sigh, “Fuck Kuroo, marry Shouyou, kill Lev.” By the tone of his voice, it was clear to Kuroo that Kenma was saying ‘fuck him’ in the same negative connotation as Yaku had. He couldn’t complain, though, as Lev’s complaints were louder.

 

“What?! Why me? Why did you both kill me? What did I do?” He whined, pouting.

 

Yaku couldn’t help but smile as he leaned closer to Kenma and said, “It’s more about what he  _couldn’t_  do,” and Kenma smiled back.

 

He frowned, however, when Lev started whining right in his ear. Pushing the taller boy away, he decided on Inuoka, because the first year looked like he was just itching to get to his turn, “Inuoka, fuck, marry, kill: Lev, Shouyou, and Kuroo.”

 

Inuoka has a bright smile on his face, swinging his arms back and forth as he considered his options, “Wah! I’m not sure! I guess I’d say fuck Kuroo, because he’s a cool guy,” Kenma scoffed at that, “I’ll marry Hinata because he’s just so... whoosh and  _wow_! You know?” They didn’t know, but nodded anyway, “And kill Lev, because he’s my rival!”

 

Lev slouched so low he was as short as Yaku, “At least you have a reason,” he moaned, as he was now being killed for a third time in a row.

 

Inuoka simply laughed, “Sorry, Lev! It can be your turn now! Fuck, marry, kill: Hinata, Kenma, and Yaku!”

 

Lev stood up straight and smiled, seemingly forgetting that Kenma and Yaku chose to kill him when he said “I don’t want to kill any of you” and the two older boys exchanged glances, “I’d say fuck Hinata, marry Yaku, and kill Kenma.”

 

Kenma furrowed his brows, looking up at his underclassmen. He was actually surprised that he chose to kill him, even if Yaku and Hinata  _were_  his other options. _  
_

Lev noticed him, and shrugged, “I didn’t want to, but you told me that I was even worse at volleyball than Hinata!”

 

Kenma didn’t argue.

 

Yaku, though, had a disgusted expression, despite the light blush on his face. Kuroo snickered. “You guys... really like Hinata,” the libero said, and his teammates all nodded their heads simultaneously.

 

“Your turn, Captain!” Lev yelled, “Fuck, marry, kill: Kenma, Yaku, and Yamamoto.”

 

Kuroo smirked, which made Kenma grimace, “Well, I’d fuck Yaku, marry Kenma, and kill Yamamoto. He’s too loud,” the captain winked at Kenma when said this, the setter rolling his eyes.

 

“You’re too loud,” he commented, which only made Kuroo laugh.

 

Yaku let out a breath, placing his hands on his hips, “Well, it was fun killing Lev with you guys. Time to practice dives!”

 

Lev groaned, dragging his feet as he followed behind Yaku, the others sneering in amusement as they left.

 

 


	6. Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Kindaichi, Kunimi, Kageyama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Kitagawa Daiichi boys, as requested. I hope you enjoy! Next will be another game with the Karasuno first years :)

“Do we have to invite _him_?” Oikawa pouted, hands on his hips.

 

Iwaizumi shot him a glare, “Yes, we do. It’ll be fun.”

 

“But he’s no fun!”

 

The ace let out a sound like a mix between a growl and a sigh, “Shut up. Look at him, he’s all by himself. And we  _used_  to be his friends, right guys?” He asked, turning to look at Kindaichi and Kunimi, whose shoulders tensed.

 

“Uh, y-yeah, right,” Kindaichi tried to smile and Kunimi nodded beside him.

 

Oikaww huffed, “Don’t just agree with Iwa-chan blindly!” He yelled, but Iwaizumi was already walking away, yelling out the boy’s name.

 

Kageyama looked surprised when Iwaizumi approached him so suddenly. He must not have seen them, which was strange because they were all sitting in the food court of the mall, and Kageyama was only a few tables away from them.

 

Soon, Iwaizumi was coming back to the table, Kageyama right behind him. The ace had a smirk on his face when he saw Oikawa’s annoyance. Kageyama, though, looked rather wary to be meeting with the others after everything.

 

“All alone at the mall, huh, Tobio-chan?” Oikawa taunted as soon as he and Iwaizumi sat down at the table with them. The ace didn’t hesitate to pinch Oikawa’s nose, “Ow ow ow!”

 

Kindaichi and Kunimi merely nodded at their old friend, and Kindaichi even made an effort to smile.

 

“Ah, Oikawa, what was this game you were playing with Iwaizumi?” Kunimi asked, continuing their previous conversation.

 

Iwaizumi immediately groaned, burying his face in his hands, “Kunimi, no!”

 

Oikawa wore a sly grin as he elbowed the ace, “Akira, yes! We should play fuck, marry, kill!”

 

Kunimi’s eyes narrowed, and he looked like he regretted bringing it up. Kindaichi looked interested, however, though it was probably mostly because it was Oikawa suggesting it. Iwaizumi and Kageyama on the other hand, both said “Geh!”

 

“You’ve played, Tobio-chan?”

 

Kageyama scowled, “Unfortunately.”

 

“Great! Then you can go first!” He cackled, “Fuck, marry, kill: me, Iwa-chan, and Kindaichi.” Kunimi let out a sigh of relief to not be included in the list.

 

Kageyama murmured something beneath his breath, “Fuck Kindaichi, marry Iwaizumi, kill you.”

 

Oikawa, not surprised that he was killed, said, “How dare you marry my Iwa-chan?!” Which only served to earn him a punch in the shoulder

 

“Don’t say weird shit!”

 

Kindaichi grimaced, but didn’t say anything because he figured Kageyama only chose to fuck him if he couldn’t kill him. As for Iwaizumi, well that one was obvious, because he was the only one who didn’t have an issue with the Karasuno student.

 

“Kindaichi,” Kageyama picked him next, and the taller boy was surprised to find no malice in the setter’s eyes. He looked annoyingly kind, if anything, “Fuck, marry, kill: Kunimi, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi.”

 

“Ah,” Kindaichi looked down in thought, “But I like all of you.”

 

Oikawa smirked, “You’ve got to choose, Yu~tar-ou~! It’s easy if you just choose based on our looks!” He meant it as a joke, but Kindaichi took it seriously.

 

“Then... Fuck you, marry Kunimi, and k-kill Iwaizumi.”

 

Oikawa laughed out loud, “Ahaha! Iwa-chan is the ugliest!”

 

Iwaizumi grabbed a handful of Oikawa's hair and glared at the captain, “Saying I’m the ugliest implies that you’re also ugly, dumbass!” He huffed.

 

“Ugh!” Oikawa gasped, about to go on a rant until Iwaizumi hushed him.

 

“Next turn!” He growled, and suddenly Kindaichi felt nervous from his senpai’s anger.

 

“Um, Kunimi. Fuck, marry, kill: Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Kageyama.”

 

Kunimi immediately frowned at his friend for choosing him, but didn’t take much thought when he said, “Fuck Iwaizumi, marry Oikawa, and kill Kageyama.”

 

“Thank you Kunimi. Someone recognizes that I’m just as handsome as Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi said, crossing his arms.

 

Oikawa said, “So you admit I’m handsome!”

 

“So you admit you’re shitty,” Iwaizumi growled back.

 

Kunimi just shrugged his shoulders though, “Oikawa is pretty, but Iwaizumi is handsome.”

 

“Plus he’s got muscles,” Kageyama commented, surprising everyone. Kindaichi actually laughed at that, and Kageyama immediately looked back down at the table, his cheeks slightly pink.

 

When Kindaichi stopped laughing and Oikawa stopped whining, Kunimi turned to his captain, “Oikawa, fuck, marry, kill: Iwaizumi, Kageyama, and Kindaichi.”

 

“Easy! Fuck Yutarou, marry Iwa-chan, and kill Tobio-chan!” He announced pleasantly.

 

“Do you have to marry  _me_  every time?” Iwaizumi complained. 

Oikawa chuckled, “Don’t pretend you’re disappointed.”

 

“He’s the only one who’ll put up with you,” Kageyama whispered, and Iwaizumi grinned and slapped him on the back.

 

“We should invite Kageyama to hang out with us more often,” he laughed.

 

Oikawa puffed out his cheeks, “Rude, Iwa-chan. Anyway, it’s your turn. Fuck, marry, kill: me, Kageyama, and Kunimi.”

 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, “Fuck Kunimi, marry Kageyama, and kill you.”

 

“Ah?” Oikawa hissed, “You’d choose them over me? Explain yourself!”

 

Iwaizumi sneered, “Well, you’re you, no offense.”

 

“Offense taken!”

 

“Kunimi is pretty. And so is Kageyama, but then I imagined how pissed off you would look at that wedding, and the answer was easy,” Iwaizumi finished, Oikawa looking dismayed.

 

Kageyama actually had a hint of a smile on his face before looking at his phone, “Ah, I have to go,” he said, standing up to leave, “Oh, also I’m going to beat you next time.”

 

Kindaichi and Kunimi frowned, and Kindaichi said, “Don’t bring volleyball into this.”

 

Kageyama looked mildly confused, but shrugged it off. “Thank you for inviting me, Iwaizumi,” he said, nodding at him, Kindaichi, and Kunimi, purposefully ignoring Oikawa.

 

As the others waved him, Oikawa glared at him, saying, “Nice to see you too, Tobio-chan!”

 

Iwaizumi let out a sigh, smiling, “Good day.”

 

“Why does my suffering please you so, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa pouted again.

 

The ace shrugged, “Dunno,” he said, standing up and missing up Oikawa’s hair, “Anyway, lets go. The rest of the team should be here soon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karasuno first years choosing between the Karasuno third years. It’s shorter, but I feel like I’ve been mass producing fanfics, so I’m sorry for my low quality work ^^’ next chapter is of some Shiratorizawa boys!

“Wah! The third years? How can I choose between them?” Hinata pouted, crossing his arms and rocking back and forth on his feet.

Yamaguchi giggled, “Right? I can’t decide either!” He agreed.

Tsukishima and Kageyama both stood beside them, arms crossed and an wearing aggravated expression because they were forced to play fuck, marry, kill.

“Well,” Hinata started again, “I guess I’d have to say fuck Sugawara, marry Daichi, and kill Asahi.”

Kageyama gave him a strange look, “How can you kill Asahi?” He inquired.

The smaller boy shrugged, looking guilty, “Then I’ll become the ace!”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “Tanaka would be the next ace,” he stated. Hinata glared at him and whined.

Kageyama spoke up next, as he’d figure out his answers, “Fuck Daichi, marry Asahi, kill Sugawara.”

Hinata places his hands on his hips, leaning forward and puffing out his cheeks, “Well how can you kill Sugawara, huh?”

“That way we won’t have to compete for who will be the starting setter,” he answered simply.

“You have the same reasons as me!” Hinata yelled, glowering at the taller boy.

Yamaguchi laughed at them and waved his hands, “I think that I’d say fuck Asahi, marry Sugawara, and kill Daichi.”

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, seemingly surprised, “Why do you say that?”

“Well, Daichi is scary, that’s the only reason I have for him. Asahi seems cuddly. And I talk to Sugawara the most, since we don’t play in as many games,” he explained, blushing as he spoke.

“What about you, Tsukishima?” Hinata asked, a grin on his face.

The blonde frowned, turning his head as he said, “Fuck Daichi, marry Sugawara, kill Asahi.”

Yamaguchi gasped, “You’d kill Asahi, too?!”

Tsukishima frowned, not responding.

Hinata answered for him, “Tsukishima would probably make Asahi cry if they fucked or got married, so it makes sense!”

“I would not,” Tsukishima argued, glaring fiercely at the shorter boy.

“What’s this about Asahi crying?” The first years all squeaked and turned around to see Sugawara standing there, hands on his hips and a pleasant smile adorning his face.

“S-Sugawara-san!” Yamaguchi stuttered.

“Well?” The third year prompted.

Kageyama looked cautious as he mumbled, “We were playing fuck, marry, kill.”

“Yeah!” Hinata suddenly shouted, “and Tsukishima said he’d kill Asahi-san. And we decided it was probably best because he’d make Asahi-san cry a lot if they fucked or got married.

Sugawara snorted, “You’re totally right!”

Tsukishima huffed and pouted angrily, “I would not,” he muttered, but no one was listening to him.


	8. Ushijima,Tendou, Semi, Shirabu + Goshiki, Kawanishi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I FINALLY UPDATED!!! I'm so sorry I've been busy and got distracted with other works and was like !!!! Fuck Marry Kill !!!! Anyway, this is my first time writing with these characters so I hope its okay! Please enjoy and feel free to request any time, I'll try to update more ^^' Next chapter will be the Karasuno third years!

“Oh come on, it won’t hurt to play,” Tendou grinned, leaning over and laughing, “Eita agrees with me!”

Semi placed his water bottle down and looked at Tendou, “Oh, uh, sure,” he said, not actually having listened.

“I think it could hurt,” Shirabu frowned, crossing his arms.

Tendou pouted, but turned to Ushijima, “What about you, Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima, stoic as ever, turns to his teammates, “Shouldn’t we get back to practice?”

“Agreed,” Shirabu nodded, walking closer to the captain.

Tendou made a high pitched whining sound, then stretching out his arm to point at Ushijima, “Wakatoshi! Fuck, marry, kill: me, Eita, and Kenjirou!”

Ushijima frowns slightly, “I have to choose one of you for each? I don’t want to kill any of you.”

Semi and Shirabu smile at the comment, and Tendou pats Ushijima on the shoulder and grins, “You’ve got to choose, my friend.”

The captain glances down in thought, then looks up a few seconds later, “Fuck Shirabu, marry Tendou, kill Semi.”

Tendou cackles, “Wah! I’m so honored!”

Semi, on the other hand, looks mildly (very) offended, as he places a hand on his hip, “You chose your underclassmen over me?”

“I apologize. I thought Shirabu might be angry if I chose to kill him, so I had to make a choice,” Ushijima explained.

Shirabu looked slightly less flattered, “Game over. Let’s practice.”

Tendou didn’t allow this, however, and pointed at Shirabu this time, “It’s your turn Kenjirou!”

The second year shook his head, “I’m not choosing.”

“Aw, come on~!”

“I‘m not!”

“I’m interested in your answers, Shirabu,” Ushijima finally said, surprising the other three, but Shirabu reluctantly agreed.

“I don’t know, fuck Tendou, marry Ushijima, and kill Semi,” Shirabu huffs.

Semi raised an eyebrow in amusement, and slightly in irritation, “It sounds like you do know,” he muttered.

Tendou started laughing again and waved his hand around, hoping to stop any argument, “Good choices, Kenjirou! Now it’s Eita’s turn!”

Semi nodded his head, crossing his arms as he thought about it, “Fuck Ushijima, marry Tendou, and kill Shirabu.”

“I feel so loved!” Tendou smiled triumphantly, while Shirabu glared at the ground. Ushijima hadn’t reacted much, so Tendou threw his arm over the captain’s shoulders, “I think I’d definitely fuck Eita, and, don’t take it personally, but I’d kill you, Shirabu! I always have to break up fights with you and Tsutomu!” Tendou smiled even wider and tugged Ushijima closer until their cheeks were touching, “And of course I’ll marry Wakatoshi!”

“I look forward to our life together,” Ushijima said, and Tendou’s eyebrows raised impossibly high.

Shirabu, who previously looked offended, grinned and started laughing, quickly followed by Semi and Tendou.

Ushijima didn’t seem to get the joke.

**Bonus:**

  
“They didn’t invite us,” Goshiki grumbled as he watched his upperclassmen laughing while Ushijima looked utterly baffled. He could only wonder what they were laughing so much about.

Kawanishi glanced at Goshiki for the first time since they sat down for a water break, “You want to play fuck, marry, kill with them?” He asked, not really understanding why he’d want to play. But, it was Goshiki, so it wasn’t surprising.

“Of course!” Goshiki said loudly, his hands forming fists as he whipped around to look at Kawanishi, “Why didn’t they ask me?!”

“Because you’re over here and they’re over there?” Kawanishi suggested, taking another swig from his water bottle.

Goshiki looked at his teammates and then back at Kawanishi, then back and forth over and over again until Kawanishi finally sighed, “Okay. What are your answers then?”

“F-Fuck Tendou, marry Ushijima, and kill Shirabu!” Goshiki announced.

Kawanishi nodded his head, “Figures.”

Goshiki tilted his head, “Figures? You’re not surprised?”

He second year nodded again, “You’re not hard to read,” he replied. Goshiki and Shirabu always argue, everyone likes Tendou, and no one would really be surprised if Goshiki was in love with Ushijima, despite their one-sided rivalry.

Kawanishi went back to not paying attention, but he only managed a minute or two as Goshiki was looking at him expectantly.

Finally, he turned back to his teammate, “Yes?”

Goshiki looked like he was about to burst before he asked, “What are your answers?”

Kawanishi looked at the ceiling as he thought, “I’d fuck Ushijima, marry Semi, and kill you.”

“What?” Goshiki gaped at him, “What kind of answers are those? You’d kill me? I wasn’t even one of the choices! And you’d f-fuck Ushijima even though I married him?”

Kawanishi found it amusing how Goshiki stuttered every time he said ‘fuck,’ but instead he just shrugged, “It’s just a game.”

Goshiki frowned and turned back to look at Ushijima and the others, feeling even more betrayed.

 


	9. Asahi, Daichi, Sugawara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie i kinda hate this chapter, i'm not very good at writing these three, but i hope it was okay (and i hope you guys also ship daisuga oops) (also sorry daichi has like three lines i love him but no clue how to write him) (and i had to include the negativegoatee im sorry)
> 
> Next chapter will be the third years from karasuno, fukurodani, and nekoma!!
> 
> Please request if you want to see anyone or any certain pairing or anything!! Otherwise I probably won't really update!! Thank you for reading :))

Asahi walked into class to eat lunch with Sugawara and Daichi that day, but regretted it immediately when he sat down with them.

 

“Asahi!” Sugawara smiles brightly, “Just in time to play fuck, marry, kill with us!”

 

Daichi mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Asahi, both of them looking very wary of the game they were about to play.

 

“I caught the first years playing it the other day and thought it would be fun!” Sugawara explained, still smiling brightly and ignoring the nervous looks of his friends.

 

Asahi rubbed his chin, “Ah, do we have to play?” He asked.

 

Sugawara quickly glared at him and Asahi couldn’t protest.

 

“For that, you have to go first, Asahi!” He declared, “Fuck, marry, kill: Nishinoya, Hinata, and Daichi!”

 

Daichi choked on the water he was drinking and Asahi sighed loudly, “I have to choose between people I know? Wahh, that’s way too embarrassing.”

 

Sugawara had the same devilish smile on his face as he said, “You can't back out now!”

 

Asahi glanced at Daichi in fear, “But how am I supposed to pick with those options?”

 

But Daichi said nothing to help, and Sugawara showed no mercy as he smiled at his large friend.

 

“Ghhh,” Asahi moaned, “Um, ah, fu–“ he cleared his throat before continuing, “F-Fuck D-Daichi, marry Nishinoya and, erm, kill Hinata?”

 

Sugawara chuckled and propped his chin on his hand, “Well that’s not surprising! About Nishinoya, that is. You’d really fuck Daichi over Hinata?”

 

Daichi frowned and crossed his arms, “What’s that supposed to mean?” He mumbled, but Sugawara just shrugged.

 

“Ah, well, Hinata feels more like a cute younger brother to me, you know?” He said, his cheeks flaming, “And Daichi is very gentle when he’s not angry.”

 

Sugawara hummed in agreement, laughing lightly as Daichi’s cheeks turned pink, “Good point. Now you have to choose for Daichi.”

 

Asahi already looked worn out, but he turned to the captain, “Fuck, marry, kill: um, Suga, Kuroo, and Ushijima.”

 

Daichi shot the ace a glare and Asahi quickly looked away and cleared his throat again.

 

“Uh, marry Suga, I suppose. Can I kill the other two?” He grumbled.

 

Sugawara smiled wide and shook his head, “No easy ways out, Daichi!”

 

Daichi sighed, “Fine, fuck Kuroo and kill Ushijima.”

 

“That should’ve been an easy choice. Kuroo is hot,” Sugawara stated, smirking at Daichi.

 

The captain grumbled something under his breath and the two had something of a stare-off. Asahi felt he was seeing something he shouldn’t have, “Isn’t is Suga’s turn, now?”

 

Sugawara broke his gaze to nod and wait for Daichi to give him his options.

 

“Fuck, marry, kill: me, Oikawa, and Kageyama.”

 

The setter tapped his finger on the desk in thought, “I’d say... fuck Oikawa, marry you, and kill Kageyama.”

 

“You’d choose Oikawa over Kageyama?” Asahi gasped, though the thought of being with either of those two made him shiver.

 

“Kageyama causes lots of trouble with the other first years. And besides, Oikawa  _is_  pretty handsome. Don’t you agree, Daichi?” Sugawara replied, looking expectantly at Daichi.

 

Daichi, however, scowled, “Not really.”

 

“Really? I thought you had a thing for setters?” Sugawara said, looking at Daichi with a look Asahi couldn’t identify.

 

Daichi turned even redder, which startled Asahi as he watched his friends have some sort of silent conversation again.

 

“I... don’t like this game,” Asahi finally said, wanting to break the silence.

 

“Me neither,” Daichi agreed.

 

“That’s because you’re both so negative! Lighten up!” Sugawara pouted, and Asahi was relieved as the tension seemed to clear up, “Its just a game!”

 

“But what if someone actually got offended by it? And it’s weird having to think of other people like that, I wouldn’t—“

 

“Negative!” Sugawara hissed, raising his hand to hit the brunette, and Asahi flinched before getting jabbed in the shoulder, “Negative goatee!”

 

Daichi laughed, “Asahi’s heart is too fragile to think about these things, Suga.”

 

Asahi agreed.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, pls comment and kudos, I'll work on writing more. If you are actually interested enough to request a group of characters you want to see, pls feel free :) but be warned, I watched the anime and am only up to 150 chapters in the manga, so some characters may be difficult idk sorry. excuse any mistakes pls and thank you


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